镜头焦距的选择:用英语写出 5个笑话

1. 那就更糟了 Much Worse

Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?
Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.

中文：

警察：有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢？
男子：要是我张口的话，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那就更糟了。

注释：
1、shout for help：呼救
2、rob of：抢劫

2.林肯过生日 Great Event
Teacher: What great event happened in 1809?
Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln was born.

Teacher: Correct. And what great event happened in 1812?

Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln had his third birthday.

老师：1809年发生了什么重大事件？

小威利：亚伯拉罕-林肯诞生。

老师：正确。那么1812年发生了什么重要事件呢？

小威利：亚伯拉罕-林肯过他的三周岁生日。

3.谁最懒 Who Is the Laziest
Who Is the Laziest?
Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class?

Tom: I don't know, father.

Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?

Tom: Our teacher, father.

中文：

父亲：哎，汤姆，今天我跟你们老师谈过，现在我想问你个问题。你们班上谁最懒？
汤姆：我不知道，爸爸。
父亲：啊，不对，你知道！想想看，当别的孩子们都在做作业、写字时，谁在课堂上坐着，只是看人家做功课？
汤姆：我们老师，爸爸。

注释：

watch是指专注地看着某人或某物的动作，指观看，常用于看电视、看比赛、看某人进行某种活动等，一般用于看连续的过程；而look是指将视线放在某人或某物之上，常用来提醒别人注意某人或某种正在发生的情况，一般是看一个画面。

4.我又不认识那个女人！
I don't even know that woman

A couple walking in the park noticed a young man and woman siting on a bench, passionately kissing.

"Why don't you do that?" said the wife.

"Honey," replied her husband, "I don't even know that woman!"

中文：

一对在公园散步的夫妇注意到坐在长凳上的那对年轻男女正在热烈地接吻。

“为什么你不能那样做呢？”妻子说。

“亲爱的，”她丈夫回答，“我又不认识那个女人！”

5.一个电话
A Telephone Call

Mrs. Jones was waiting for an important telephone call， but she had no bread in the house， so she left the baby at home and said to his five-year-old brother， “I'm going to the shops， Jimmy， and I will be back in a few minutes.”

While she was out， the telephone rang and Jimmy answered. “Hello，” said a man， “is your mother there？”

“No，” answered Jimmy.

“Well， when she comes back， say to her， ”Mr. Baker telephoned.“

“What？”

“Mr. Baker. Write it down. B-A-K-E-R.”

“How do you make a B？”

“How do I make……？ Listen， little boy， is there anybody else with you？ Any borthers or sisters？”

“My brother Billy is here.”

“Good， I want to talk to him， please.”

“All right.” Jimmy took the telephone to the baby's bed and gave it to Billy. When their mother came back， she asked “Did anyone telephone？”

“Yes，” said Jimmy， “a man. But he only wanted to talk to Billy.”

琼斯太太正在等一个重要的电话，但家里没有面包了，所以她把婴儿留在家里，对那五岁的哥哥说：“吉米，我去趟商店，马上就回来。”

她出去以后，电话铃响了，吉米接了电话：“喂，”一个男人说：“你母亲在家吗？”

“不在，”吉米回答。

“噢，等你妈妈回来，告诉她贝克先生来过电话。”

“什么？”

“贝克先生。写下来，B-A-K-E-R”

“B怎么写？”

“怎么写……听着，孩子，你身边还有别人吗？兄弟或姐妹？”

“我的兄弟比利在这里。”

“好，请叫他接电话。”

“可以。”吉米把电话拿到婴儿床边，递给比利。母亲回来问道：“刚才有人来过电话了吗？”

“有，”吉米说：“是个男人，但他只想和比利讲话。”

A sperm said: "Oh shit!"

One day there were three people.their names were Manners, Trouble, and Shut up.One day they were playing hide and seek. Manners got a tummy ache so he went to the toilet. Trouble was hidding. Shut up was findding trouble when he met a police man. The policeman: what is your name?
Shut up: shut up!
The policeman: are you looking for trouble?
Shut up: yes!
The policeman: where are your manners?
Shut up: in the toilet.
有三个人,他们的名字分别是:"礼貌","麻烦"和"闭嘴".
有一天,他们在玩捉迷藏.:礼貌"突然胃痛,所以就跑到厕所里面去了."麻烦"躲在一边.当"闭嘴"看到一位警察的时候,他正在寻找着"麻烦",
警察看到,说:"你叫啥名字?"
"闭嘴":"闭嘴!."
警察就说:"你这是自找麻烦嘛?"
"闭嘴"回答道:"是的."
警察又说:"态度恶劣!你的礼貌跑哪去了.?"
"闭嘴":"在厕所里"

Dad : "Son, how can you call your aunt stupid? Go and
say sorry to her"
Son : (goes over to the aunt) "Aunt, I am sorry you are
stupid. "
父亲说:"儿子,你怎么说你阿姨笨蛋啊?快去跟她道歉."
儿子跑到阿姨面前,说:"阿姨,我非常抱歉你是个笨蛋."

1.
1. You are not a superman.
你不是超人。（不要无谓的冒险、不要做傻事）

2. If it's stupid but works，it isn't stupid.
如果一个蠢方法有效，那它就不是一个蠢方法。

3.Don't look conspicuous - it draws fire. (This is why aircraft carriers are called “Bomb Magnets”.)
不要太显眼，因为那会引来对方火力攻击。（这就是航母被称为“炸弹磁铁”的原因。）

4. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
别和比你勇敢的战友躲在同一个散兵坑里。

5. Never forget that the lowest bidder made your weapon.
别忘了你手上的武器是由最低价的承包商得标制造的。

6. If your attack is going really well， it's an ambush.
如果你的攻击进行得很顺利，那一定是你中了圈套。

7. All five-second grenade fuses will burn down in three seconds.
所有五秒的手榴弹引线都会在三秒内烧完。

8. Try to look unimportant because bad guys may be low on ammo.
尽量显得是一个无关紧要的人，因为敌人可能弹药不够了。（他会先打最重要的人）

9. If you are forward of your position，the artillary will fall short.
每当你要攻击前进时，炮兵往往也快要用完了炮弹。

10. The enemy diversion you are ignoring is the main attack.
那支你以为是敌军疑兵而不加注意的部队恰恰就是敌人的攻击主力。

11. The important things are always simple.
重要的事总是简单的。

12. The simple things are always hard.
简单的事总是难作到。

13. The easy way is always mined.
好走的路总是已被敌军布上了地雷。

14. If you are short of everything except enemy. You are in combat.
如果你除了敌人不缺，其它什么都缺，那你往往就要面临作战了。

15. Incoming fire has the right of way.
飞来的子弹有优先通行权。（挡它的道你就要倒大楣！）

16. If the enemy is in range, SO ARE YOU!!!
如果敌人正在你的射程内，别忘了你也在他的射程内。

17. No combat ready unit has ever passed inspections.
从没有一支完成战备的单位能通过校阅。

18. Things that must be together to work usually can't be shipped together.
必须要装配在一起才能发挥效力的武器装备通常不会一起运来。

19. Radio's will fail as soon as you need fire support desperately.
无线电通讯会有可能在你急需火力支援时失灵。

20. Anything you do can get you shot - including doing nothing.
你作的任何事都可能挨枪子儿 -- 包括你什么都不做。

21. Tracers work both ways.
曳光弹可以帮你找到敌踪；但也会让敌人找到你。

22. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
唯一比敌人火力还精确的是友军打过来的炮火。（误射）

23. Make it tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.
当你防守严密到敌人攻不进来时，那往往你自己也打出不去。

24. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have more than your fair share of objectives to take.
如果你多报战功，那下次你会被给予超过你能力的目标让你去打。（自讨苦吃）

25. When both sides are convinced that they are about to lose, they are both right.
当两军都觉得自己快输时，那他们可能都是对的。

26. Professional soldiers are predictable but the world is full of amateurs.
专业士兵的行为是你能预测的，可惜战场上业余的士兵占多数，因此敌人的行为大部分是你所无法预测的。

2.Dear white, something you got to know
亲爱的白种人，有几件事你必须知道。
When I was born, I was black.
当我出生时，我是黑色的
When I grow up, I am black.
我长大了，我是黑色的
When I'm under the sun, I'm black.
我在阳光下，我是黑色的
When I'm cold, I'm black.
我寒冷时，我是黑色的
When I'm afraid, I'm black.
我害怕时，我是黑色的
When I'm sick, I'm black.
我生病了，我是黑色的
When I die, I'm still black.
当我死了，我仍是黑色的。

you---white people,
你---白种人
When you were born, you were pink.
当你出生时，你是粉红色的
When you grow up, you become white.
你长大了，变成白色的
You're red under the sun.
你在阳光下，你是红色的
You're blue when you're cold.
你寒冷时，你是青色的
You are yellow when you're afraid.
你害怕时，你是黄色的
You're green when you're sick.
你生病时，你是绿色的
You're gray when you die.
当你死时，你是灰色的
And you, call me "color"?
而你，却叫我「有色人种」？

3.When my son was a high-school sophomore, he got a part-time job-- sacking groceries at a supermarket. He came home all smiles.
我儿子在一所中学读二年级时，在一家超级市场找到了一份包装商品的业余工作。他满面笑容地回到了家。

"How was your first day?" I asked.
“第一天感觉如何？”我问。

"It was great, Dad," he replied. "I got to talk to some good-looking girls."
“好极了，爸爸。”他答道，“我跟许多漂亮的女孩子讲了话。”

Since Stephen is not very talkative, I asked, "What did you say to them?"
由于斯蒂芬不擅言谈，我问道：“你跟他们说了些什么？”

"Do you prefer paper or plastic?"
“你是喜欢纸包装还是塑料包装”

4.A blind man walked into a bank with his seeing-eye dog(导盲犬) that guided him everywhere. He walked into the center of the bank floor, took the dog by the chain, and started swinging him around his head.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked. The other customers were very confused and some very upset at the way the animal was being treated. One of the tellers ran up to the blind man and asked, ''Sir, what are you doing!?!''

The man turned toward the teller and simply said ''Looking around.''

5.A small frog goes to a fortune teller and asks if he is gonna meet a young girl.

The teller tells him, “ Yes, you are.”

The frog replies, “Where? In a bar or at a party?”

The teller says, “In biology class!”