灵异主播兔小妹:幽默短文(英+汉语解释)

http://gzstu.cn/sort/156-1.htm
有很多不错的笑话哟！
（特别是布什和赖斯的那个，超级爆笑）

去google上搜下就好了
比较快的

http://www.4english.com.cn/最好的英语网站去找吧

Passage 1When your parents advise you to "get an education" in order to raise your income,they tell you only half the truth.What they really mean is to get just enough education to provide manpower for your society,but not so much that you prove an embarrassment to your society.
Get a high school diploma,at least.Without that,you will be occupationally dead unless your name happens to be George Bernard Shaw or Thomas Alva Edison,and you can successfully dropout in grade school.

Get a college degree,if possible.With a B.A.,you are on the launching pad.But now you have to start to put on the brakes.If you go for a master's degree,make sure it is an M.B.A.,and is famous law of diminishing returns begins to take effect.
Do you know,for instance,that long-haul truck drivers earn more per year than full professors?Yes,the average 1977 salary for those truckers was $24000. While the full professors managed to earn just $23030.
A Ph.D. is the highest degree you can get.Except for a few specialized fields such as physics or chemistry where the degree can quickly be turned to industrial or commercial purposes,if you pursue such a degree in any other field,you will face a dim future. there are more Ph.D.s unemloyed or underemployed in this country than any other part of the world.
If you become a doctor of philosophy in English or history or anthropology or political science or languages or-worst of all-in philosophy,you run the risk of becoming overeducated for our national demands.Not for our needs,mind you,but for our demands.
Thousands of Ph.D.s are selling shoes,driving cars,waiting on table,and endlessly filling out applications month after month.They may also take a job in some high school or backwater college that pays much less than the janitor earns.
You can equate the level of income with the level of education only so far.Far enough,that is,to make you useful to the gross national product,but not so far that nobody can turn much of a profi t on you.

According to the writer,what the society expects of education is to turn out people who _____.[ANSWER]
A)will not be a disgrace to society
B)will become loyal citizens
C)can take care of themselves
D)can meet the nation's demands as a source of manpower

Many Ph.D.s are out of job because _____.[ANSWER]
A)they are improperly educated
B)they are of little commercial value to their society
C)there are fewer jobs in high schools
D)they prefer easier jobs that make more money

The nation is only interested in people _____.[ANSWER]
A)with diplomas
B)who specialize in physics and chemistry
C)who are valuable to the gross national product
D)both A and C

Which of the following is not true?[ANSWER]
A)Bernard Shaw didn't finish high schools,nor did Edison.
B)One must think carefully before pursuing a master degree.
C)The higher your education level,the more money you will earn.
D)If you are too well-educated,you'll be overeducated for society's demands.

The writer sees education as _____.[ANSWER]
A)a means of providing job security and financial security and a means of meeting a country's demands for technical workers
B)a way to broaden one's horizons
C)more important than finding a job
D)an opportunity that everyone should have

推荐:经典英文幽默集锦
校园幽默四则(英汉对照) 这里面很多的:)~
http://www.enun.cn/html/c123/

Money is not everything. There‘s Mastercard & Visa.
钞票不是万能的,有时还需要信用卡.:)~

the New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didn‘t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."
新老师
9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。
“乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？”妈妈问。
“妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。”